


Six Maids A' Shopping

by NyxEtoile, OlivesAwl



Series: Tales From the Tower [3]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Christmas Fluff, Drinking, Fluff, Gen, Sex Talk, Shopping, Truth or Dare, girl talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-25
Updated: 2014-12-25
Packaged: 2018-03-03 11:33:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2849420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NyxEtoile/pseuds/NyxEtoile, https://archiveofourown.org/users/OlivesAwl/pseuds/OlivesAwl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <img/>
</p>
<p>Set in the same universe as <i>Scars</i> and <i>Between the Shadow and the Soul</i> (now dubbed the Tales From the Tower series). Pepper needs backup for Christmas shopping so she calls upon the unofficial "Avenger Wives Club." Drinking, giggling and secrets follow.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <i>"There was shopping and Indian food and a lot of wine. So much wine. And talking. Lots of talking."</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A Christmas gift for our readers. We hope you enjoy reading it as much as we did writing it. Merry Christmas!

Pepper sent the email out in November.

_I need to go Christmas shopping. Like, in an actual store. I have to pay cash and hide everything off premises, or Tony will snoop until he finds out what I bought, and then whine how he's never surprised on Christmas morning. Anyone up for turning our next Saturday get together into a shopping expedition? Participant goodie bags include food, drinks, and a pair of shoes, on me._

Natasha smiled when she read it. She had to give Pepper credit, the woman knew her bribes.

Before she could respond, a new email popped up on the chain, from dlewis@stark.com. _You had me at free food. I'll start monitoring sales so we know where to hit or avoid._

Immediately after that came another one, this one from Dr. Newbury. _I will come only to see what one buys a man who can literally buy anything._ Nat was glad she had started to tag along on girls days.

She sent a simple, _Mission accepted._

Jane replied a few moments later. _I'm in. I do owe you after the mattress incident. And someone should keep an eye on Darcy._

Hill was the last to reply. _Are we talking really nice shoes?_

They met in the lobby mid morning on Saturday. Clint had still been asleep when she slipped out, but she'd left him coffee in the pot and a note. She was the last to arrive, the rest of them mingling by the doors. You could tell who was used to East Coast winters by the number of layers they had on. Doc, who if Nat recalled correctly was from the South originally, looked ready to venture onto the unforgiving plains of Hoth.

Pepper held out a red coffee cup to her. "The car is idling outside, and Darcy has made a shopping plan worthy of the Normandy Invasion."

"Copies have been sent to all your mobile devices," the girl added, waving her phone.

Nat looked over at Jane, who said, "She's a highly competent assistant." The "despite appearances" was unspoken.

"It helps when I actually understand the mission parameters," Darcy added.

"You've been here too long," Doc said, sipping her own red paper cup. "You're speaking Agentese."

Darcy saluted. Pepper waved towards the door. "Shall we?"

They filed out into the light snow and climbed into the waiting limo. The six fit easily and once Pepper gave the driver their itinerary they were pulling out into the pre-lunch traffic. "If anyone else has the urge to buy something from a brick and mortar store while we're out, feel free to request detours," Pepper said.

"We're going mostly to rich-people stores," Darcy confirmed.

"Where Pepper will buy us shoes," Jane added.

"Indeed I will."

"So what does one buy Tony Stark for Christmas?" Doc asked, peering at her phone, presumably at the shopping attack plan.

"I buy him lots of standard, expected gifts-- watches, sweaters, cigars, gadgets-- and hide something awesome among them."

"I think I'd go for tacky and dumb," HIll said. "Snow globes. Hula girls. In fact, Pepper, I'm getting him a jiggly hula girl for Christmas."

"A live one?" Pepper asked with a grin.

Darcy looked at Jane. "Could you give Thor an iPod so he stops stealing mine? I'll even load it with the Viking metal he likes so much."

"He likes yours because it's really old and has buttons. He doesn't like the current ones."

"Then buy _me_ a new on and I'll donate mine to the cause."

Nat look over at them. "You still have the button one?"

"It works, and it's indestructible."

"That does explain why you put the Apple Store on the list for today," Pepper said.

"I try to keep hope alive."

"Thor has got to be as hard to shop for as Stark," Nat said. "Though probably nicer about it if you shoot and miss."

"Yes to both," Jane said. "It was easier when he first came. He needed everything. Now he's got all the clothes and stuff he needs. The Tower provided furniture and everything. He hasn't really been here long enough to have. . . hobbies."

 "He liked the beer stein Erik got him from Sweden," Darcy offered.

Jane sighed. "I am not letting him collect beer steins."

"What about you?" Hill asked, looking at Nat. "I recall your gift last year was rather. . . bar raising."

She grinned. "The tub, yes. I have no idea how he'll top it, or if he'll try. He only remembers to buy one because JARVIS tells him. I generally have no idea what I'm getting him until I see it in the store."

"That's what I'm hoping," Jane said. "That something will jump out at me."

"I found it the best way to buy presents for anyone."

Darcy leaned across Jane to talk to the Doc. "What does one buy a metal armed former assassin with memory problems?"

Doc looked at her moment, then said, completely deadpan, "A coffee maker."

Suddenly all of them were looking at her. "A coffee maker?" Pepper asked. "Don't they come with the apartments?"

"His was unfurnished when he got it. I gave mine to a neighbor when theirs broke; I don't drink coffee. He complains when he spends the night. So I got him a very nice coffee maker."

"Nice, and personal, without being too presumptive. Pretty good. Early relationship gifts are hard," Darcy said.

"You would know," Jane said, prompting Darcy to glare daggers at her. She even blushed a little, which amused Nat. Darcy wasn't exactly known for being shy. Clint played Halo with her now and again, and made jokes about her over-sharing habits. There were things neither of them needed to know about Thor.

Pepper looked over with interest. "Who is the lucky person?"

Suddenly, Darcy's phone was fascinating. "Just some IT guy, no one you would know," she muttered in one big rush.

"The one with the curly hair," Jane said. "Came over from SHIELD."

"I know him," Hill said. "Only person I'll let touch my computer."

"Are you are Christmas gift exchange stage?" Nat asked seriously.

Darcy glanced at her over her phone as if gauging whether or not she was being mocked or not."Yes. Probably. We haven't discussed it, but I assume so."

"You should get something," Pepper said. "Just in case."

Apparently she decided the mocking wasn't coming as she lowered the phone. "I haven't been able to think of anything in my budget that he doesn't already have."

Pepper reached forward and patted her knee. "If I can find something for Tony—who I'm pretty sure literally has everything—we can find you something."

The first couple of stores were very. . . manly. Lots of gadgets and leather and gold accents. There were several things Nat could have gotten as gag gifts for Clint, he needed some arrow shaped cufflinks, right? But they were all way out of "gag gift" pricing. Darcy seemed to be having similar problems, picking things up, studying them thoughtfully and putting them down swiftly after glancing at the price tag. Hill seemed to be content to hang out by the doorway and wait for her shoe purchasing, while Pepper and Jane seemed to need to inspect and touch every goddamn thing.

"Pepper has now spent more than my salary on stocking stuffers," Darcy said absently.

Nat smiled. "If it makes you feel better, the money they toss around stupefies me on occasion as well."

She looked at her phone. "Barneys is next. Maybe there's a clearance section."

Doc Newbury appeared at their side. "Is this where the misanthropes are standing?"

"We're complaining about the wide gulf between any of our budgets and Pepper's," Nat told her.

"Ah, these prices are a little heart palpitation inducing."

Darcy squinted at her. "You're a doctor, don't you make, like, all the money?"

"Up until two years ago I was still paying off medical school debt," Newbury told her. "I have eaten my share of Top Ramen, and remember it well."

"There's nothing wrong with ramen. Ramen is tasty." Across the store, the sales person was handing a fancy bag across the counter to Pepper. Darcy tapped her phone, and it made a chiming noise. "I think we're moving."

Barneys was more of the same until Hill slunk up to her side and said, "I will give you my next paycheck if you buy Barton a pair of skinny jeans."

Nat glanced at the mannequin modeling said jeans and tried to picture Clint's reaction upon receiving them. "I like my sex life active, thank you."

"But you'd probably enjoy looking at them on his ass."

She wasn't entirely sure that was true. "I would like to know where I have given you the impression that my type includes 'metro.'" There was actually a wool and cashmere overcoat she _could_ see Clint wearing. Her only concern was that the man treated all clothing equally, which meant a $2700 overcoat would get the same wear and tear treatment as his $70 denim jacket.

"Not so much Metro as. . . I always daydreamed one year the SHIELD uniform people would give us roomy, pocket-filled tactical gear and put all the men in form-fitting bodysuits.."

"Ohhhh, you want me to get him revenge-pants. Why didn’t you say so?"

Hill laughed. Darcy came up to them, holding a package of underwear. "Please look at this and confirm it's not a typo and these are, in fact, $400 boxer shorts?"

They peered at the package. "For four hundred dollars they'd better jack him off for me," Hill said finally.

"A hooker would still be cheaper," Darcy replied.

"Depends on the hooker," Nat and Hill said in unison.

"I would not have pictured you both as connoisseurs of prostitutes." She looked at Nat. "Well, maybe you." 

"Hill didn't always work behind a desk," Nat told her. "Catch her after a few drinks and the New Year's party and you'll hear some stories."

"Screw New Years, we're drinking tonight." Darcy took her $400 boxers back from whence they came.

"I'm going to find Pepper," Hill said. "It's shoe time."

Nat thought you could tell a lot about a person by their shoes. Lifestyle, living arrangement, socioeconomic status. But even more interesting than everyday shoes was the footwear one chose when price was not an option.

For example, she would not have pegged Doc Newbury, of faded jeans and cotton sweaters, to rock a pair of Loubouton pumps in ruby red with spikes on the pointed toe.

"These are the most impractical shoes I've ever worn," she said, doing another pace in front of the row of chairs they had claimed.

"Buy them," Hill said, crossing the pair of over-the-knee boots she'd clearly decided on. "People, back me up."

"Those are shoes to keep a metal armed former assassin with memory problems in line," Nat agreed. She'd settled on pair of black strappy shoes that brought to mind corsets and whips and was now enjoying watching the others choose.

Doc did another little turn. "It's less about being unsure about buying them and more about wanting them in every color. And then finding a man to kick while wearing them."

"I have a list of ex-boyfriends you could start with," Darcy offered from her end of the chairs.

"Ditto," Pepper said. 

"Me too," Jane added.

"Yep." That was Hill. Then the four of them looked at Nat.

This was probably where she should make something up, she did have a reputation to uphold. But she considered these women friends, to one degree or another, and she tried, at least since moving into the Tower, to be her true self around friends. "I don't have any exes."

There was a moment of silence from all of them, before Darcy ventured, "Living?"

Nat liked her a little better for that. "Clint's the only person I've been with that wasn't a mission."

There was more silence. She supposed it wasn't weird that people were surprised at this. She certainly looked like a woman who'd had a long trail of lovers. Then Pepper asked, "How long have you. . .?"

"Over eight years. Though for the first few we were pretending it was casual."

"Well," Jane said after a moment. "I only have the one ex. Before Thor there was just Donald. Though he still deserves to be kicked in the head with Doc’s shoes."

Doc clicked her heel on the floor. "Happy to oblige."

"I feel like you all owe me embarrassing personal details now," Nat muttered.

They were interrupted by the saleswoman bringing them more shoes. Three for Darcy, each containing a different brightly-colored stiletto platform—of a style Nat would best describe as fuck-me-shoes. Perhaps she'd settled on a solution for Christmas after all. The last box was for Jane, which contained a pair of painfully practical brown leather ankle boots that the rest of them all booed.

"There are the most expensive shoes I will ever own, I want them to be able to use them."

Darcy stuck her feet out, one foot clad in fuchsia, the other crimson. "I feel sad you can't imagine how you'd use shoes like these."

Jane looked at her a moment. "He really doesn't look at my feet."

"He might, if you didn't wear old-lady shoes."

Hill saw fit to rescue Jane. "Darcy, pick a color so we can go home and get the drinking started early."

She frowned at her feet again, lifting one than the other, then nodded. "Red it is."

Pepper handed over a credit card, and all their purchases were packed up—except for Hill's boots, which she declined to take off. Then they were back in the limo, which had delightfully acquired a bottle of champagne.

"I want all my shopping to end like this," Doc said, clinking her glass with Jane's.

"There is more back at my apartment," Hill said. "Pepper thought that would be better than hers and having Stark underfoot."

Nat looked over at her sharply. "We get to see your apartment? Is there an NDA?"

She looked over at her, and shrugged, looking a little embarrassed. "You guys are my friends, aren't you?"

The silence was almost as deep as when Nat had made her confession about Clint. Then Darcy said, "Aww." and the moment was broken with laughter.

"Don't suppose that counts as my embarrassing personal detail?" Hill asked.

"I'll count that," Nat told her. "I know it was hard."

That got her a smile. Nat took another drink, while Jane turned to Darcy and asked, "Do you even have any secrets?"

"Of course I have secrets," she said defensively. "I'm a rich and enigmatic tapestry."

"You do share a lot, is all."

Darcy looked at her a moment. "Not about anything important, though. I mean, you probably know a lot, but I followed you to freakin' England you can listen to my life story if I want you to."

Clearly Jane had hit a nerve, even if she—not always the most socially adept person on the planet—didn't entirely notice. Pepper seemed to notice, and volunteered, "When I was first hired as Tony's assistant, his uncle paid me a stipend not to sleep with him."

That, at least, got everyone's attention. "How much of a stipend?" Doc asked.

"Enough to pay off my student loans," said with a grin.

"Does Stark know?" HIll asked.

"I told him about it later. The original contract was ended when I took over as CEO, so I didn't mention it until well. . . after. And not the Obadiah wasn't a shithead otherwise, but it wasn't all that nuts. He had a reputation and by the time I was hired there were at least two former assistants actively suing the company over extracurricular activities."

"Would you have slept with him without it?" Nat asked. Pepper struck her as too sensible to get involved with her boss regardless, but Stark was supposedly very charming when he wanted to be.

"Of course not. Are you kidding me? I mean, I won't say I wasn't occasionally tempted. He does have quite the ability to make you feel like the only woman in the world. But professional implications aside, I kind of assumed that and man who went through women like tissues like that a) had to have at least one STD and b) probably couldn't find a clitoris with both hands and a flashlight."

Nat was pretty sure Doc actually snorted champagne out her nose at that. Hill covered her eyes with a hand while the rest of them laughed. "Please, for the love of God, no one ask."

Mercifully, no one did and Nat added, "I suppose I'm the last to judge office romances," in the hope of derailing further Start sex antics.

"Different guy, different power dynamic," Pepper said. "Though I'm actually pretty sure no one in this car has grounds to judge on that topic."

There was a pause as they all contemplated that. Doc looked on the verge of protesting but Hill pointed at her. "You're paid by the same person and live and work in the same building."

Newbury's mouth closed with a snap. "I concede your point on a technicality."

"Thor and I were together before we shared an employer," Jane said. "Does that count?"

"You still met him through work," Darcy said. "Like, you wouldn't know him if not for work. So I think that's pretty close."

"We're all workaholics," Hill said. "Fishing off the company pier the only way to get laid."

"It's good that we work with a statistically improbable number of hot guys," Doc said and shrugged when they looked at her. "My nurses have a chart."

"I saw that at New Years," Darcy said. "Their math is pretty complicated."

"I do not hire stupid people. Though I think that was a product of there being too many cooks. Different women find different things attractive so they had to work out an algorithm for weighting different attributes. Plus Pooja is one of those women that does calculus for fun." She shrugged. "I recall Barton being fairly high."

"Impressive," Hill said. "Considering I'd rank him as the least available man in the building." 

"I'm not entirely sure they were aware of that, most of them were hired after move-in and haven't seen them together. Personally, I was impressed he got so high when Dr. Banner was penalized for 'being old.' I don't think there's that many years between them."

"I'm trying to decide if I should be offended or proud," Nat said, sipping her champagne.

"They decided to confine the chart to men they deemed 'eligible'. Pooja was annoyed because she'd just settled the argument about how many bonus points Thor should get for going commando."

Jane turned to shoot Darcy another glare. 

"If I have to live with that knowledge so does everyone else," she said, sounding not the least bit sorry.

"I suppose Clint will get dropped this year, then," Nat mused. "We haven't been subtle."

"The last time you were subtle was 2009," Hill said. "For anyone paying attention."

"No one ever pays attention. Though I concede grand theft plane is the opposite of subtle."

She realized she now had the attention of everyone. Well, she was pretty sure Doc knew about it, seeing as she'd been there. "You stole a plane?" Pepper finally asked.

"No. Clint stole a plane. I was shot and it didn't look good. Coulson called to tell him and he abandoned his mission and took a plane without clearance to come to Germany."

That got her a "Wow," and "Shit," and then a "That's really romantic." The last was from Darcy.

"It was stupid and almost got him fired," Hill said.

"What did happen?" Jane asked.

"He was put on leave for a while and took care of me while I recovered. Which, I assure you, counted as punishment."

"Tales of you have made their way through SHEILD medical," Doc said dryly.

"And yet you took this job." Nat shook her head sadly.

"It takes a terrible patient to treat a terrible patient."

The limo came to a stop in front of the building, and they all climbed out onto the icy sidewalk, taking the champagne with them.


	2. Chapter 2

Hill's apartment was spacious and tidy, with a comfortable couch and mismatched chairs. Nat made a point to look around because she would expect nothing less from Hill were their situations reversed. She finished her circuit in time to join the others in the living room as the rest of the liquor came out. "Ah, I see we're drinking our lunch."

"We're ordering delivery," Hill said, pointing to a menu on the table. They passed said menu around and Hill made the call as they all shed coats and shoes to get comfortable. Doc, Hill and Pepper had claimed chairs so Nat took a seat on the couch with Darcy and Jane, feet propped on an ottoman.

Pepper checked her phone before tucking it away and reaching for her wine glass. "The Tower is still standing."

"Were you concerned Stark would blow it up?" Jane asked.

"Perhaps mildly concerned about a repeat of the Bourbon Incident. If he and Barton had gotten that trebuchet working, it would have been all bad."

Nat shook her head. "The two of them. So different on the surface but put them together with alcohol and you have two mischievous six year olds with an engineering degree."

"We may yet degrade into hair braiding and a game of truth or dare," Pepper said.

"I feel like truth or dare in this group could end in a felony," Jane cautioned.

"So could shooting pigeons off the Chrysler building," Nat said, and Pepper snorted.

"We'll play MASH and prank call our crushes, then," Hill offered.

"MASH?" Darcy asked.

Doc laughed. "I think we're dating ourselves, Hill."

"Will you people please call me Maria? It's not SHIELD anymore. I don't even have a uniform. And you're in my apartment."

"It took Steve weeks to get me to stop calling him Captain Rogers and I'm sleeping with his best friend." Hill made a face and Newbury sighed. "I'll try."

She looked at Nat, who shrugged. "Maria it is. Everyone still calls me Romanov, if it makes you feel better."

"Do you have a first name?" Darcy asked Newbury.

"No," she said in that dry tone she used so often. "I had it legally changed to Doctor."

Pepper leaned forward and held out the bottle she had. "Drink more, we'll get it out of you."

"Can that be my personal secret?" she asked, letting Pepper fill her glass.

"No," the rest of them said in unison.

They ordered Indian and ate it on the coffee table. Pepper had apparently stocked the drinks, including several bottle's of wine Nat was pretty sure weren't in anyone else's budget. Alcohol lowered inhibitions and loosened tongues.

"The scar," Nat finally said to Newbury. "I want that to be your secret."

The other woman stopped with her wine glass halfway to her mouth and everyone else went very still. Finally, Doc sighed. "I was in Africa with Doctors Without Borders. Soldiers came through looking for supplies and new recruits. One attacked me. When I fought back he cut my face. It was several days before it could be treated properly and it got infected. Damaged my eye."

"We all have our scars," Hill said after a moment. "I don't envy you having to show yours to the world every day."

"What happened to the guy?" Darcy asked. "That attacked you."

"I stabbed him with a scalpel." She took a long drink of her wine. "And my first name is Amanda."

There was another moment of silence, then Pepper said, "I was hoping for the story of what happened in the woods in Romania between you and Bucky."

Amanda groaned. "Nothing happened. My arm was broken and he was a perfect gentleman."

"I've had sex around all manner of broken bones," Nat said. 

"I was not under any illusion that you were not more of a badass than me."

"It's also a great way to burn adrenaline after doing something dangerous."

"That explains a lot," Jane said thoughtfully and Darcy covered her ears with her hands.

"Aren't we past being shy by this point?" Maria said with a laugh.

"I’m blocking out memories. I shared an apartment with them for months."

There was a moment of silence, before Pepper asked. "Is it true he breaks beds?"

Jane's mouth opened and closed a few times, then she nodded. "Yes. Several. It's why we upgraded the one in the Tower apartment."

"That's kind of hot," Maria muttered.

"It can be, yes." Jane seemed to have come to terms with the no holds barred rules of the conversation. "He's very careful with me but sometimes. . . you know, it has to go somewhere. When men get riled up."

"He could probably snap you in half," Pepper said.

"Oh, I know. We both do. And to be honest there's been a bruise or two. But for the most part he keeps it in check. Supposedly Asgardians have taken human lovers before."

"I hooked up with one of Thor's friends and came out unscathed," Darcy volunteered. "Well, I had one bruise. They are strong."

"Everybody gets sex bruises now and again," Maria offered. "If you're doing it right."

Amanda made a little high pitched noise that was part excitement and part realization. She put her wine glass down and leaned forward, tugging the neck of her t-shirt down to reveal an impressive two or three day old bruise on her shoulder, roughly in the shape of fingers. "Metal arm. He's still bringing me chai teas at work to make up for it."

That got her some applause. Then Pepper said, "I used to get a circular bruise from the lip of the arc reactor."

There was a chorus of 'ouches' and murmurs of sympathy. Maria then launched into a story about an ex who was a biter which had all of them wincing and laughing at the same time. "I really didn't mean to punch him in the face. I couldn't help myself. It was instinct."

Pepper waved a hand, face red from laughing. "No, no. You were totally justified."

Maria looked over at Nat. "Your training ever take over and you accidentally beat Barton up?"

She sipped her wine. "Nah. He ties me up to make sure I don't."

The other women were all silent a moment, then Darcy raised a hand for a high five. Nat laughed and shook her head and smacked her hand to Darcy's. "I would not have expected that," Pepper said finally.

"For a very long time Clint was the only person I was able to be myself around," she said, putting voice to things she'd only recently sorted out herself. "I trust him implicitly. After a lifetime of carefully controlling every interaction I have, it's nice to . . . let go sometimes. And it's important for him to know I trust him. Especially after what happened with Loki."

"I'm sorry I wanted to put him in the Fridge," Maria said quietly.

"If it was anyone else I might have been right there with you," Nat assured her. "But there was nothing you could have done to him that would have punished him more than he did to himself."

She sighed. "It was never punishment. I was worried that maybe he wasn't all there, and you were too biased to see. That if it went bad you wouldn't be able to do what needed to be done."

To be honest, that had never occurred to Nat, which probably showed how biased she really was. "I did hit him in the head pretty hard," she pointed out. "And I think I am the resident expert on brainwashed and crazy. Hence being called in for Bucky."

"I will concede that as fact."

Nat reached out with her glass and Maria clinked it with hers. "Water under the bridge."

"Way to bring down the conversation there," Darcy said.

"There is no place for actual emotion in this conversation of sex kinks and secrets," Amanda added.

Maria rocked back in her chair. "Sorry, sorry. Anyone else have any kinks to share?"

"Darcy hasn't shared a secret yet," Jane said.

The girl's cheeks pinked a little as everyone looked at her. She chewed her lip a second. "Um. All the ones I can think of involve emotions."

"Just this once," Amanda said, grabbing the wine bottle and reaching over to splash more in Darcy's glass.

Darcy frowned at the wine a moment, then blew out a breath. "I don't know who my dad is."

"Did he bail?" Pepper asked after a moment.

She nodded. "While Mom was pregnant. The space for father's name on my birth certificate is blank. Mom had a lot of names for him, most of them unsuitable for a precocious four year old's ears. I've snooped through all her stuff, old pictures everything I can think of, but haven't been able to find anything." She took a long swallow of her wine and looked at Jane. "See? Enigma."

Jane reached out and rubbed her arm. "My parents got divorced when I was a teenager, and my father went to start a new family."

"Mine crawled into a bottle after my mother died," Pepper offered. "Stayed there 'till it killed him."

"Mine did the same," Amanda said. "But climbed out before it was too late."

"I have no memories of my parents," Nat added. 

"Who raised you?" Darcy asked.

"I was raised with twenty eight other girls in the Black Widow program, originally funded by the KGB. We were trained to be spies and assassins from childhood." She said it matter-of-factly, in almost the exact words that were on some file of hers somewhere. "I was five or six when I was given to them. Sold to them."

"Jesus," Darcy replied. 

"It was all on the internet in the SHIELD file dump," Pepper commented.

"I didn't read those. HR files shouldn't be gossip. That's rude."

"Good for you," Amanda told her.

"Speaking of HR files," Maria said, looking at Nat. "I've noticed a certain archer's are nowhere to be found."

Nat gave her best innocent look. "My finger slipped."

"That is also kind of romantic."

"I have a small streak," she admitted. "He was very touched when he found out."

"Do you live together or not?" Jane asked.

Wasn't that the million dollar question. "We. . . not officially? We spend the night together pretty much every night but. . . it's important to have our own space." Even though they had barely used Clint's apartment for anything but storage since they'd moved in.

"I feel really good about the fact that after eight years you appear to be about where James and I are after six months," Amanda said before taking a remarkably smug drink of wine.

"We've never been normal. I'll fully admit that."

"Space is important," Darcy said. "Especially when you work together. Even if you never use it, the fact that you have it probably takes a strain off your relationship."

"Tony and I kept separate places longer than we needed to," Pepper said. "It felt safer somehow."

That actually made her feel better. "We've spent most of our relationship apart. We only said I love you after the Triskelion fell. We need time to get used to the day to day together."

"I can't manage a stable relationship to save my life," Maria said. "So you're not doing too bad."

"Might be easier now that you have a legitimate job," Nat said. "If you want one, that is."

"It's a lot of conditioning and habit to unlearn." She held up a finger at the rest of them. "Don't yenta."

"Wouldn't dream of it," Pepper assured her.

They were quiet again, mostly refilling their drinks. "Do any of you ever wonder what it's like to have a normal life?" Maria asked.

"Some of us had normal lives, not too long ago," Jane pointed out. "Then an alien god fell out of the sky."

"And you hit him with your car," Darcy finished.

"I think it would be terrifying," Amanda said. "To not know what was going on. Aliens invading, the convergence. Normal people have no idea what's really happening or when it will happen again."

"But you could live in that ignorance, if you wanted to," Pepper said. "No loved ones having constant brushes with death. No world-scale drama. No torture."

"Until the aliens come to your town," Amanda said. "And it's your city they tear up. Suddenly realizing you're more ant than you ever knew."

"Some of us are still ants," Darcy said. "We've just got a better view of the boot."

"You are ants with the phone number to the nice giants," Maria offered.

"This metaphor may have gotten away from us," Pepper mused.

There was a round of laughter, and drink refills. There was a bit of silence, then Jane asked, "Do any of you guys want kids?"

This was met with another round of silence. Then Darcy offered, "Eventually?"

"I can't have them," Nat said. "From what they did in the Program. I don't know that Clint would want them either. His childhood was not the best."

"That seems to be a theme around here," Maria commented. "Put me down for 'hell no', by the way." She wrinkled her nose and shuddered.

"We're not sure it's even biologically possible," Jane said. "We are, you know, technically. . . different species. As weird as it is to say that out loud." 

"I could probably run some tests," Amanda offered. "If you wanted a better idea of odds. Personally, James is the first man I've been with that I could see committing to. But we haven't discussed it. And I'm not as young as I used to be."

"Reproductive science had made some great strides," Pepper commented. 

"I did know that. I honestly don't know what he'd think of it. And I don't know what the child of a man who's had the serum would look like. I'm not sure I want a toddler with super strength."

"I'll have a toddler with super-brain," Pepper replied. "No way around it. I've heard terrifying stories of what Tony was like as little kid."

"That I do not envy you," Nat said. "Then you'd have two of them to deal with."

That made her smile. "Yeah, I will."

"So you're in the pro-kid category?" Jane asked.

"I am. Possibly this year, actually. We keep saying when things settle down, but. . ." she shrugged. "Maybe this is as settled as it's going to get, you know?"

"I think things are downright calm," Nat said. "I've never had this much free time."

"People always say there's no right time to have kids," Darcy piped up.

"Other than the limits of one's biology, I suppose," Pepper said. "There's definitely a 'too late'. Though we can be at our leisure, a little more. We have our embryos already made and frozen."

Amanda's brows went up. "Really? That was proactive of you."

"In more ways than one." She sighed and took another drink. "Well, we are sharing, aren't we? I have—well, had—the BRCA1 gene. My mother wasn't even 40 when breast cancer killed her. My grandmother wasn't too much older. I had a preventative mastectomy and ovarian removal. I was going to freeze eggs but he volunteered to make embryos, so. . ." She shrugged again. "Then when I got the extremis it fixed everything, from the boobs to the broken gene. Not sure it was worth how painful that was, though." 

"How does one even note that on a medical history?" Amanda mused.

"Frankly, shit like that is half the reason I recruited you," Maria told her. "No one wants to explain super serum effects to an ER doctor while someone is bleeding out."

"When we were doing the paperwork for the IVF, I had to fill out a medical history questionnaire on the both of us. I must have stared at that thing for fifteen minutes trying o figure out how to best explain the arc reactor."

There was a chorus of sympathetic noises.

"My medical history forms are always a page of 'unknown,'" Nat said. "Anyone in your immediate family have heart problems? Unknown. Mental issues? Unknown. Goes so quickly."

"Your hand writing was extremely neat, though," Amanda added.

"They taught us to have lots of different handwriting styles. So it couldn't be traced. And to forge, of course. I can do Clint's well enough to fool forensic experts."

"You did Fury's pretty well, too," Maria commented.

"With a sample I can do just about anyone passably. Clint's is actually hard because it's so messy."

"I can do Tony's," Pepper said. "At least his signature. Which looks like it was written my a monkey having a seizure."

"Thor's handwriting looks like calligraphy," Jane said. "Seriously, he could address wedding invitations."

"I have atrocious handwriting," Amanda said. "James and Steve both have the penmanship of good Irish boys taught in the thirties. I almost want them to go on an extended mission so James will write me letters."

"Did they teach you in med school?" Darcy asked. "Is it a rule?"

"I think it's all the notes we have to take, makes you lazy. And we're often in a hurry. If I take my time and focus it's better."

"Since I'm drunk," Maria said. "I have been wondering about this. And since we know that Thor breaks beds and Natasha likes to be tied up, I kind of feel like you have to answer. Does he use the arm in bed? Does it get in the way?"

Amanda tilted her head. "Of course he uses the arm. It's his arm."

Darcy's nose wrinkled. "But does he. . . touch you with it?"

The doctor grinned. "He does everything with that arm he's done with the other."

"What's it like?"

She considered the question. "It's less sensitive than his right so he doesn't do it often. And sometimes there's an issue with temperature, especially in the mornings or right after a shower. Otherwise it's not much different than any other guy. I mean, I had a metal vibrator once, so the texture doesn't bother me."

"Texture variance can be nice," Nat murmured.

Amanda gestured to her in agreement. "To be honest - and I try hard not to fetishize it, because that's not fair to him - I find it kind of sexy. He can rip car doors off with it, but he's extremely gentle with me. Turns me on with it." She leaned over to look at Jane. "You know what I mean?"

The scientist was blushing, but nodded. "Very much."

Satisfied, she leaned back again. "My only complaint about the arm actually has nothing to do with sex."

"Well, now you have to tell us," Pepper said.

"It's articulated with overlapping plates." She slid her hands over each other to demonstrate. "And if he's holding me or has his arm behind me on the couch or something and shifts the wrong way it can pinch. Or get my hair caught. I very nearly got an inadvertent hair cut a couple weeks ago."

There was a round of wincing. "Ouch," Jane said.

"Yeah. He tries to be aware of how he's moving but. . . " She shrugged. "There are worse problems to have."

"Sex with superheroes," Pepper said. "It is it's own sport."

"We could get together and write a tell all," Nat said. "Make a fortune."

"Yes, but then the sex would probably stop."

"That is a distinct down side," she conceded.

"Some things will just need to stay between us girls."

"What do you think the men talk about when they get together?" Amanda mused, tucking her legs up under herself. 

"Sports," Darcy said. "It's always sports."

"Do any of them follow sports?" Jane asked.

"Steve and Bucky watch baseball," Amanda offered. 

"I've seen Clint watch soccer," Nat added.

"Tony likes good seats to live sports." Pepper paused. "You think they talk about us?"

"Yes," Nat said. "Probably not in the same detail as we are. But I have no doubt they trade stories and advice."

"Now we know who to blame when the handcuffs show up."

She clicked her tongue. "Don't knock it till you try it."

Pepper chuckled. "You have your kink, and I have mine."

"Is your kink round chest bruising?" Maria asked.

"Hah. No, that was an annoying side effect I'm really glad to be done with."

"Then what is it? We're sharing."

She looked at her drink for a moment, then chuckled. "Yes, well . . ." she cleared her throat. "We like strange places. Particularly outside."

There was a chorus of whistles and whoops. "Very nice," Nat told her. "Nothing like a little bit of risk."

"There was an elevator in the library at my college," Darcy said. "One of those old fashioned ones with the gate you have to close? It was a rite of passage to hook up with someone in it."

"Oh, that's child's play." Pepper poured herself another glass of wine. "Top of the Empire State Building."

Darcy's mouth dropped open. "No fuckin' way."

She ducked her head in a small bow. "He can fly, you know. You can get all sorts of interesting places."

"I applaud you," she replied raising her glass in a toast before downing it.

Pepper laughed. "There's also a bunch of. . . well, he's an engineer. He likes to build things."

"Man, my med school years would have been simpler if I'd had someone who could build me custom vibrators," Amanda muttered.

"I keep joking he should sell them, they're better than anything you can buy." She took a drink, and then over the rim of her glass said. "Bucky could probably have one installed in his metal hand if he wanted."

Amanda's mouth opened and closed a few times. "I'm going to spend the rest of the evening trying to figure out how to bring that up in conversation."

"From the installation end, Tony has no shame, so don't worry about that."

"I've found when asking a man for something awkward it's good to remind him how much he likes whichever his favorite body part is," Darcy suggested. "Men agree to just about anything if I wear a deep enough V-neck."

"I can actually confirm that's true," Nat said. "Also, I'm taking you to La Perla for Christmas."

The girl's eye lit up. "You're my new favorite auntie."

"Do you remember the first time we went lingerie shopping?" Jane asked. "And we came home because Tony and Clint were drunk and trying to shoot a fly on the ceiling or something?"

"Vividly," Nat assured her. "Tony still calls Steve Dorito behind his back."

"I still have the video of them laying on the floor," Pepper said.

"You keep that. That will be good for blackmail someday."

Darcy reached for the closest wine bottle. "At least we don't cause property damage when we get drunk."

"I will drink to that," Pepper said. "I think men do just the 'dare' part. We seem to be doing the truth."

"Seems fair." Nat looked at Darcy. "I'm almost afraid to ask what kinks you have."

She shrugged. "I'll try anything once. Sex should be fun." She refilled her glass before taking a sip. "I had a threesome in college."

"Two men or two women?" Maria asked.

"Men. The lesbian encounters were separate."

Jane sputtered on her drink and looked over at Darcy. Maria looked from one to the other. "Isn't that something everyone tries once? Women, I mean. Two dudes gets you a kink point."

"It should really give her two," Nat said and exchanged another high five with Darcy, who turned to Jane, gestured at herself and mouthed 'Enigma.'

"I'm feeling very boring," Amanda admitted.

"I've never hooked up with a woman, either," Pepper said. "Tony's done things in permutations that probably count as orgies. Once with twins. Back me up-- that's gross, isn't it?"

"The word you're looking for isn't gross," Darcy said. "It's incest. Which, granted, is gross." She added, "My boys weren't related. Though we all would have had a better time if they hadn't been very carefully doing the no homo/no touching thing."

Nat groaned. "Anyone that overprotective of their heterosexuality needs to rethink their place on the Kinsey scale."

"Is there an actual test for that?" Maria asked. "The Kinsey scale?"

"Oh yeah," this from Darcy. "It's a standard psych eval. List of yes or no questions. I took it in a class sophomore year. It's probably online."

"Is anyone sober enough to type?" Pepper asked.


	3. Chapter 3

Jane looked over at Darcy. "What did you get?"

"Two. Predominantly heterosexual but more than incidentally homosexual. Three is bisexual, at least how society view it. Zero is completely straight, six is completely gay."

Nat looked at Maria. "Where's your computer?"

"Laptop's on the desk over there. Don't break it." Nat realized that she was apparently the group champion of holding her liquor, because the rest of them were pretty drunk.

She put her wine down and retrieved it, holding it for Maria to log in with her password. They were friends, but there were limits. Then she returned to her seat and proceeded to find an online Kinsey test and read the questions out for the others.

Now that she was drunk, and older, Darcy scored a three, and seemed proud of it. Amanda got a zero. "Yep," she said. "Officially boring." Pepper and Jane were 1's, Maria was a 2. 

Nat herself was surprisingly stumped by the questions. The test assumed all of one's sex life had been consensual. The sex life she had based on her own desires contained only Clint, but it had taken so many years to sort her own needs out from her past that she really had to think about what she'd have done, if she'd started with a blank slate. With a normal life like the rest of these women had had. 

In the end, despite multiple tries, the test result came back as an error, telling her she had either answered some of the questions wrong or was "a very unusual person." When she read that out to the rest of the group they laughed. "Maybe I'm just Clint-sexual," she said lightly, closing the laptop and returning it to the desk.

"So you'd sleep with him even if he turned into a woman?" Pepper asked.

She pondered that a moment. "I could probably make that work. Dildos exist."

"He'd make an ugly woman," Darcy said. "No offense."

"He would probably agree with you," Nat told her, picking up her wine glass again. "I think I would love and want to be with Clint no matter what happened. He's a part of me at this point. It would be like asking if I wouldn't like my arm anymore if it turned purple. It's still my arm."

Darcy and Maria were staring at her. Pepper said, "I know exactly what you mean."

Nat leaned over to clink glasses with the other redhead. "I know it doesn't make sense," she said, mostly to Darcy. "But if you ever feel that way about someone - anyone - do whatever you can to keep them in your life."

"Unless he's an asshole and it's dependance and obsession and not love," Pepper commented. "Too many women confuse those."

"There have got to be people who look at you and say, 'that poor woman'," Maria told Pepper.

"Oh. I don't doubt it. That's what's insidious. You'd look at Tony and think he's got to be a terrible partner. Because he's a jerk to most people. He saves his kindness for those he actually cares about. The men that are really scary are the ones that save their kindness for strangers, and treat their loved ones like shit."

"I do think Tony has become more self aware in recent times," Nat pointed out. "There's a reason you're with him now and not five years ago. Stipend notwithstanding."

"That is certainly true. Some really terrible things happened. That certainly changes people."

"Everyone matures at different speeds," Amanda said. "Mentally, emotionally, physically. Some of us are born grown ups. Some figure it out in their twenties and some need to be kidnapped and have a near death experience. Stark seems to have come out well on the other side. Though Steve and James' stories of Howard indicate there's only so far he can go."

"He wasn't quite as good at expressing his feelings," Pepper said. "From what Tony's told me."

"Probably a product of the time. Post war expectations of men were different."

Nat thought about Clint worrying about missing gift giving holidays. "People express affection in different ways. I'm sure my relationship would look very strange and loveless from the outside."

"I've seen him cop a feel on you during a mission debrief," Maria said skeptically.

"I said loveless, not sexless. Sex has never been our problem."

"I'm not sure the plane incident looked loveless. Not to mention how long he dodged going back to work while you were laid up. Even I got shit over that, trying to cover for Coulson who was trying to cover for him." Maria tilted her head. "I will give you strange, though."

"When we moved into the Tower he was worried I would suddenly want us to act like a normal couple, whatever that means. Like I would suddenly require chocolates and roses on Valentines and him to remember my birthday, despite the fact I have no actual idea when that is and just picked a day."

"People say I love you in a lot of ways," Darcy said. "My mom didn't say it much, but she'd bring me random CDs or hats or whatever all the time. Just say she walked past it and thought it was something I'd like. Probably the best way to show love to a moody teenager." 

"Thor has more faith in me than I do in myself," Jane said. "I am attempting to return it. But I am going to get, you know, old and wrinkled and gray. He's going to look like my son, eventually. And then my grandson and then the guy my grandchildren hired to drive me around. He's always going to look, you know. . . like him."

"That would be a bit of a mind screw," Maria said. "I don't think I could handle that."

"He and Stark cooked something up where they digitally aged a couple of pictures of me. He showed them to me, and told me he thought they were still beautiful. He keeps one in his wallet."

Nat couldn't help making a little girly noise. "That's really sweet." Funny, she never thought much about growing old with Clint. Until very recently she never thought much about growing old period. She tried to picture it and decided he'd only look sexier with grey hair.

"When I had my mastectomy," Pepper said. "Tony googled pictures. He didn't know what it would look like, and he wanted to be prepared so he wouldn't make a face when he saw me topless for the first time."

"That is also very sweet," Amanda said. "I hear horror stories about men freaking out about it." She looked in her wine. "James asked me last month if he was going to outlive me."

"I'd imagine he will," Jane said, voice full of understanding.

"Best case scenario where we're both dying in bed of old age? Yes, certainly. By a decade or more. But I have risk factors for cancer and he has risk factors for bleeding to death somewhere far away so. . ." She shrugged and moved to drink her wine, then seemed to change her mind and put it down. "None of us can predict the future. I try to remind myself how miraculous it is that we met at all."

"We live dangerous lives," Pepper said. "Sometimes all you can do is take it as it comes."

"It's gotten me this far," Nat offered. "And if I can do it then there's hope for us all."

"Sounds like the secret is lots of sex," Maria said.

"It certainly doesn't hurt."

"So. . ." Darcy asked. "Are there, like, whips and chains and stuff?"

Nat grinned and wondered exactly where the TMI line was. "No. There are cuffs, because I can get out of just about every rope or knot you can think of. We tried a paddle but it was too much. Mostly it's mundane toys. The thrill comes from being out of control of it, at his mercy. For the vast majority of our relationship sex was a thrill. Fueled by adrenaline and the violence of our jobs. We now live in apartments in New York City, I have a microwave and a cat. We gotta do something to spice it up. We're not exactly watch sitcoms on the couch and retire after the Daily Show people."

Amanda heaved a deep sigh and Nat had the feeling she had just described her usual evening. Nat felt compelled to add, "Not that there's anything wrong with that."

"No, it's fine. I was born a boring middle aged woman. I should just embrace it."

"You are dating at nintey year old," Pepper offered.

The doctor stuck her tongue out. "With the rebound time of a nineteen year old, thanks to the serum."

"Fucking like bunnies after The Daily Show is another matter entirely," Nat said.

"Our record is eight times in twenty four hours."

"Most I've ever done is six," Maria said. "And he _was_ nineteen."

"Jesus," Pepper said. "Four. Maybe."

"Probably four or five," Nat said after a moment's thought.

"I think you just found a commercial use for that serum," Darcy told Amanda.

"I will keep that in mind if Stark every stops funding me."

"How did you walk the next day?" Jane finally blurted out.

"It was a weekend. I didn't."

"I'm never going to look at you the same again, Doc," Maria said.

"I'm going to call that a win."

Maria looked over at Nat. "And I can see the appeal of being out of control. Particularly if you are usually in charge."

"I think that's the only way it works. I'm sure there are people with the same dynamic in and out of the bedroom. But mixing it up is fun."

"Have you ever tied him up?" Darcy asked.

Nat wondered if she was blushing. "We've discussed it."

"Your face is turning red," Maria said, confirming that, in fact, she was. At least the other woman sounded a bit awed.

"It might surprise you to learn I don't often discuss my sex life with others."

"Me neither," Pepper said. "But I am really drunk."

"I don't even have that excuse." She drained her wine. "But perhaps we should call it a night while the rest of you can still walk."

"We do have to get across town," Darcy muttered. Nat noticed when she looked in Darcy's direction that Jane appeared to have fallen asleep.

"I suppose we could have Thor come retrieve her," Amanda suggested, gesturing to the sleeping scientist. Pepper had pulled her phone out to call the car around.

"That is the down side of being at my place," Maria said.

"Why don't you have an apartment in Stark Tower?" Darcy asked. "I'd think you could get one."

"I have no desire to live at my office, thank you."

"The lack of rent is really awesome, though."

"I can pay my rent just fine, thank you. It's worth the privacy."

"I hope to reach that point some day," Darcy said, making a face as Jane slumped onto her shoulder. The rest of them heaved up slowly, and managed to wake Jane enough they could at least move her.

"Thank you for hosting," Pepper told Maria. "And thank you all for coming."

"Thank you for the shoes," Amanda piped up, to a chorus of agreement.

"It was well worth the company." 

They said their goodbyes to Maria and piled into the car for the trip back to the Tower. Jane dozed again. Amanda dug in the fridge in the back of the limo and handed out water bottles, much to Nat's amusement.

Thor was waiting in the lobby, and shook his head as he took Jane from them and scooped her up like she weighed nothing. "How much did she drink?"

"Like three glasses," Darcy told him. "I was watching."

He laughed. "Thank you for caring for her, ladies." 

"Oh, these are her shoes." Darcy hung the bag on his arm. "They're boring."

He looked a little baffled, but Darcy strolled off before he could ask. She was pulling her phone out and Nat wondered if her IT guy was going to be getting a booty call tonight.

She looked over at Amanda. "Do I need to call Bucky to help you up stairs?"

The Doc's face was very flushed but she seemed steady enough. "Nah. I think I can stumble my way down the hall. Maybe maintain enough of a buzz to broach the vibrating arm topic." She gave a little bow to Nat and Pepper. "Until next time ladies," she added before heading to the elevators.

Nat turned to Pepper. "This was fun."

She chuckled. "It absolutely was. Though none of us may want to look each other in the eye tomorrow."

"I'm more worried about looking the other men in the eye."

"Barnes deserves applause," she commented, and giggled. It was very amusing to see Pepper giggle. They got in the private elevator, that served the Avengers and Stark floors only. Thor was inside with Jane, and gave them a smile.

Suddenly, all Nat could think of was broken beds. She managed a smile, but it was a near thing and required digging her nails into her palm. Pepper was staring at the ceiling with such intensity Nat was pretty sure she'd had the same thought.

Thor was looking at them both oddly, but then the doors mercifully opened. Nat called goodnight over her shoulder and headed for her apartment. She ducked inside before she had to make any conversation with Thor as he carried Jane down the same hall. These apartments must be really, really well soundproofed. Given how loud than man's voice boomed otherwise—

She shook her head sharply to stop that thought. Maybe the wine had finally gotten to her.

Clint was in his recliner, cat curled up on the back of the chair. He was eating something noodle-y with chopsticks and watching something on TV. He glanced up at her, and then pointed at the TV. "There is an appalling lack of trigger discipline in Hollywood."

"You know, I've actually noticed that." She slipped her shoes off and crossed the living room to stash her bags in the spare bedroom, before strolling back to him. "How was your day?" she asked, leaning over to kiss the top of his head.

"You're mostly looking at it. Did you have fun with your girls?"

"I did have fun. There was shopping and Indian food and a lot of wine. So much wine. And talking. Lots of talking."

Clint made a face like she'd just described a dental procedure. "I'm glad you had a good time."

She pondered telling him what, exactly, they'd been talking about. "I might be a little bit drunk," she told him in a conspiratorial whisper.

Both of his eyebrows went up. "Should I get a camera to record this for posterity?"

"Huh. That's something we haven't done."

"Make a sex tape?"

"Yeah. Most of the talking was about sex. I have blackmail material for most of the team now."

The look on his face was priceless. "And so you'd like to. . . manufacture some for them?"

"I trust us to hide it properly. Mostly I'm just horny and it was an interesting idea."

That got him to put down his Chinese carton and stand up. "I hope all the things you said about us were complimentary."

She grinned. "Of course. Though you may get some funny looks. I told them about the tying up."

He came closer. "Do they think I'm a controlling jerk now?"

"Of course not," she assured him, flattening her palms on his chest when he reached her. "I explained why I liked it. How it's nice to give up control once in a while. And assured them there were no whips or chains." She pressed close to the length of his body. "Personally, I don't think mine was the most scandalous secret."

He bent to kiss the side of her neck. "Don't tell me. If I start picturing bad things, you won't get any tonight."

"Mmm. I suppose it depends on how attractive you find my friends. And how much you know about the Kinsey scale."

He leaned back. "Did you make out with someone?"

"No, but there's at least two, if not three of them with whom I probably could." She wound her arms around his neck. "I didn't think you'd want to share me."

"I don't. But I might enjoy picturing it." 

She never really got that about men, but whatever. She nuzzled under his jaw. "I broke the test. I think I'm just you-sexual."

He tugged her shirt up out of her jeans. "How did you break the test?"

Lifting her arms, she waited to respond until he had tugged the shirt off. "I didn't really know how to answer some of the questions because I didn't really know what my inclinations would have been without the training. I mean, I've seduced women and it doesn't bother me or gross me out, but I've never met a woman I would sleep with on my own. But I've never met a man I would either, other than you. So I don't know if I'm bisexual and picky, or some kind of asexual with an exception or what. Or if it really matters since I'm happy with you and don't really need a label."

"That stuff is from the fifties, and probably only assesses actual fucking." He unhooked her bra. "I'm pretty sure nowadays you can figure out someone's sexual orientation with ten minutes going through their browser history."

"That's probably true. Still wouldn't really help with me. Though the erotica I read is mostly heterosexual."

"I know. But not all of it." 

With a feigned gasp of shock she looked up at him. "You read my porn?"

"The things that turn you on make for useful research."

That actually explained a lot. "Should I start checking out yours?"

He chuckled. "You don't need any help." He bent a little and lifted her off her feet. "Come to bed."

She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and kissed him. "Yes, sir."


End file.
